Avoidance

 Gun's Quote:

"Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, and the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering."

-Brendon Burchard

...So why the reaction?

Anybody who knows me at all knows I don't use 4-letter words. There isn't a need to dive into this; just know that if I'm swearing, it's because I'm emotionally charged up. It takes quite a bit.

There was real debate as to whether I should post the actual words in last week's post. I'm not a fan of them, but I ultimately settled on saying exactly what I said because, well, I wanted to paint the picture of how I reacted. I was completely shocked. I was emotional. I was jarred.

But why?

Understand that I had been dealing with ANTs for years by that point. There were some NASTY ones. Many of the ANTs I had been telling myself were deeply personal, highly toxic lies I had been buying for the majority of my lifetime. Some thoughts took months to discuss with Bill to get to a resolution. When you buy in to something, even if that something is a lie, it isn't simply dismissed. Watch any of a plethora of YouTube videos of people finding out they were adopted and their parents aren't their biological parents. Watch people finding out their spouse has been unfaithful. Watch parents learning that their children had been abused by caretakers. Hell, watch kids finding out Santa Claus isn't real. These people are undergoing real trauma. When you think something is one way and you find out it isn't, you go into shock and you get very defensive.

What was it about these ANTs that stirred me up so much? Was it because they had been there for so long? Was it because I didn't notice them for more than a decade? Looking back in hindsight, I think it probably had more to do with the "Challenge" portion:

ANT: "I'd kill myself on that thing."

Cognitive Distortion: Jumping to Conclusions

Challenge: You have no idea what would happen if you rode a motorcycle. Death is a possibility, but it is a very, very small one and impossible if you don't ride at all.

Well, that Challenge sucks. The Challenge renders the ANT Null and Void because I don't ride. That's great, but it doesn't answer what WOULD happen if I DID ride. Curiosity would ensue.

ANT: "I could never ride one."

Cognitive Distortion: Jumping to Conclusions

Challenge: You could learn.

Ha! Why would I want to do that? There's no way I could learn how to ride a motorcycle. I don't have one, don't know anybody who does, and why would I spend large sums of money on something that I wouldn't know how to ride that might end up killing me?

That produced another ANT:

"There's no way I could learn how to ride a motorcycle."

Cognitive Distortion: Jumping to Conclusions

Challenge: You have learned hundreds, if not thousands, of individual skills, talents and abilities. You have continuously demonstrated the ability to endure through difficulty and hardship and reach your goals. If you wanted to do this, you could.

Now that presents a real problem. I could learn. But I don't want to. I think. Maybe. But actually, I kinda do. What would it be like? Would I like it? I think I would, but what if I didn't? Then I'm out tons of money. What if I never learned and always wondered "What If?" No, wait... WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!

...

This is the part of the series where we get to talk about what to do when you don't like the Challenge portion of the ANT. You should never do this, of course, but, of course, I did. If you don't want to challenge your ANTs, you reinforce your ANTs. This is precisely the opposite of what you should be doing and isn't helpful in any way whatsoever. That said, some people, myself included, would rather live with their ANTs than risk challenging them, because to do so would result in some sort of an existential crisis. It's the same shock as above; when you are tied to a lie, you would rather reinforce the lie than know the truth. Knowing the truth requires you to change. People don't want to do that.

Treating Depression requires you to change. That's why so many people don't do it.

I jumped to YouTube. I would search for videos - often very gruesome - of motorcycle wrecks. I would see how people would end up badly hurt, screaming in agony, sometime limbs impaled or severed. There would be head trauma, bleeding out and compound fractures.

I had to reinforce that a motorcycle was dangerous, deadly and NOT something I wanted to pursue. I HAD to make sure my ANTs were right and my challenges were wrong. I HAD to avoid them, and to avoid them, I had to reinforce them so that they were unchallengeable.

...Of course, you know, it didn't end up that way...

...and that's why it's a Gun's Quote!!