Thinking

Gun’s Quote-of-the-Week:

“Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.”

-Henry Ford

It's only fitting that writing a Gun's Quote in Michigan comes from one of this state’s great names.

I haven't spent time writing many Gun's Quotes because I have been spending time talking with Erik and Jo and playing with my niece and two nephews. Erik and Jo moved in with me after their apartment lease went up and before mom and dad were finished with building their house. Erik and Jo were to move in with Mom and Dad as soon as their place was ready.

These past months I've witnessed a young family grow up before me. Jo and Erik moved in with a super pregnant Jo and a 1 1/2-year-old. Oh, yeah, Peter Barker (the dog) came, too. They'll move out having a total of three kids, (Jo had twin boys) all under two. Peter leaves with them, too. 

I watched the kids go from not sleeping through the night to crawling. They smile, they play, and I've gotten pretty good at bottle feeding and rocking them to sleep in my arms. Sometimes I can even get them to stop crying! I can pretty much make them smile on queue. Who knew I had it in me? I certainly didn't. 

Gloria loves the Legos I got her for Christmas and enjoys sitting in my lap while I read her a book. Current favorites include The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Chick-a Chick-a Boom Boom and anything with the picture of a cupcake. 

I’ve been trying to get roommates to move in with me after Erik and Jo move out. My house is three beds and two baths; it’s a bit much to keep up by yourself and I’d rather have somebody to at least say “Hi” to when I get home from work, much less somebody to share a grocery bill with and help pay the bills. I know that getting a home-cooked meal when I get home from work is now off the table, too.

Jo and Erik moved out this weekend while I was in Michigan celebrating one of my best friend’s ordination to the Catholic Transitional Diaconate. God willing, he will be ordained a Priest next year. The date is already on my calendar. A plane ticket purchase won’t be far behind.

When I get home, my house will be empty. Quiet. Dirty. Dark. Only the gentle hum of a refrigerator and trickling from an aquarium pump will greet my ears when I walk in the door. It has been years since I’ve had this much anxiety built up in me. My worst fear in the world is being alone. It sounds silly, trivial, immature and perhaps childish, but having idle evenings and being overwhelmed with a big dirty house to clean sounds like hell. I dread it.

This, of course, is all in the context of having all kinds of family and friends within minutes of me. I won’t have a problem finding house-guests. (I just hope they choose to ignore the inch of dust that has collected on some of the shelves... “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”)

To say that I’ll be alone simply because I don’t have roommates is about as logical as saying the Earth is flat. It’s plainly false. I can’t deny my feelings, however, and my feelings disagree, even if they are wrong and presently winning the fight between my left and right brain. (A perpetual war, to be sure)

If I think I’ll walk in to my house tonight sulking and feeling sorry for myself, I’ll sulk and feel sorry for myself. If I walk in to my house, pack a gym bag and lunch for tomorrow, and maybe sit down at the computer and go through this weekend’s incredible and beautiful photos, Monday will probably go well. The funny thing about the stuff that goes on inside of your head is that it usually doesn’t stay inside for too long. In many ways, we determine our own destiny. Not gene pools, not privilege, not money, us. Sure, environmental factors weigh significantly on our lives, but, ultimately, we choose what parts of that environment to let inside.

I’ve had a wonderful weekend and a wonderful Winter and Fall. It’s Springtime. This will be better yet. Why?

Because I think it can.

...and that’s why it’s a Gun’s Quote!!